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Post by Hudson Phelps on Oct 24, 2012 19:44:37 GMT -5
Hudson whimpered playfully when she got off and quickly pulled down his shorts before inching closer to her. "Of course I want it, babe," he said sweetly.
(yea.. imma skip now...)
Hudson rolled to his side, away from Esme, and closed his eyes. A smile had been plastered on his face for the past half hour and it still hadn't even started to droop. "Merry Christmas, Es," he said in a cheesy tone before standing and pulling a pair of sweatpants back on. "More of those pancakes?" he asked as he stretched his arms up to the ceiling. He was just tall enough to where his fingertips could graze the surface.
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Post by Esme Russel on Oct 24, 2012 20:00:09 GMT -5
Esme was honestly amazed when he pulled off of her, had he learned new moves? She figured that their neighbors must absolutely hate her because she was extremely well loud when she enjoyed herself with Hudson. She didn't immediately get dressed again, she just rolled onto her side so she was facing him and let out a content sigh. "Do we have to get up? Can't we just lay in bed and um... snuggle maybe?"
She felt clingy after sex but he was one of the only guys that she had been with who didn't usually rush off to do something or someone else. "I mean... if you don't want to then that's cool but yeah..." Her voice actually cracked when she spoke to him. "We just never get any time for ourselves like this and I want to."
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Post by Hudson Phelps on Oct 24, 2012 22:47:58 GMT -5
"Aw baby," Hudson cooed through a gentle smile as he crawled back into bed. "Of course we can lay here for a while. Something on your mind? Or do you just wanna cuddle?" Slowly, Hudson slipped his sweats back off and pulled the comforter up over both his body and Esme's. He missed being this close to her. It had been a while.
She hadn't changed. Not one bit since high school. Of course she was better now and wasn't sleezing around.. THAT changed. But the real her? It was all still here. That warm, fuzzy, bubbly Esme that Hudson first fell in love with. Here she was. Exactly how she always had been. Only now, she was his again.
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Post by Esme Russel on Oct 25, 2012 1:51:50 GMT -5
Esme shrugged when he asked if something was on her mind, how exactly was she suppose to tell him that she was imagining him killing himself? How could she possibly justify her fears to him when he had been so sweet thus far about them? He hadn't given her a single reason to doubt him yet she did. She didn't even trust him when she was in the bathroom for ten minutes! She couldn't live like this for the rest of her life! It just wasn't right that she was always so worried about him. She hadn't taken a peaceful shower in weeks! She ran down the stairs to get the mail because the elevator might take too long; it was truly getting ridiculous that she couldn't do anything without that intense fear. "Hudson.... Please don't take this the wrong way, okay?"
She pursed her lips as she tried to think of the just right way to say these words so he wouldn't get offended, "Hudson... I'm scared." Scared? How in the hell was that suppose to explain anything? "I'm scared of you... I'm scared every single second of every single day that something is going to happen and you're going to snap and I'll come home and find you laying dead on the floor. I'm scared to get the mail, I'm scared to take a shower, I'm scared to leave you for even a second because if I'm not there then I can't stop you. I know you haven't done anything to make me think that you'll try something again but it's still there like it's haunting me." She couldn't take it. She couldn't handle the fact that she could have lost him and she'd never dealt with the guilt that she had as if she had been pouring the booze down his throat and cutting into his wrists.
She broke down. She didn't mean to do it because she really didn't want to spend Christmas morning crying in bed but she did. She couldn't fight the river of warm salty tears that escaped from her eyes or the heartbreaking noises that she was making. She cried a lot, she cried when there was no ice cream left in the freezer sometimes but this was different. This was serious - this was everything finally coming out.
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Post by Hudson Phelps on Oct 25, 2012 18:26:02 GMT -5
Hudson let his head drop as she spoke. He knew he couldn't have avoided this conversation forever. When she finally finished, Hudson moved closer to her and put his arm over her shoulders. His free hand was petting the side of her face gently.
"Esme. This is going to be hard for you to believe but I need to you trust me, alright?" he said in a very serious tone. He knew he should've been looking at her, but he was staring at the wrist of the hand that was touching her face. The scars were still there. Still prominent. He waited for a nod from her before he started talking again. "Esme. Listen. What I did was stupid and selfish. Life was going nowhere for me and.. and it just got to be too much. But I've changed now, Es. And you have to trust me for saying that. I understand that sometimes life gets hard and that's just God's way of testing me," was he really talking about God? Hudson Phelps, the most anti-religious guy? "I know that no matter how hard things will get, it always gets better. And if you don't believe me in saying that, just look at how happy I am right now. Right here, right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Here I am, laying next to my beautiful wife who is pregnant with my very first son. I'm twenty two years old.. and I have a child on the way! There's no greater joy in the world. Esme, please. Trust me. It's never going to happen again. I promise."
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Post by Esme Russel on Oct 25, 2012 19:33:14 GMT -5
Esme wanted nothing more than to believe him that he was never ever going to try and kill himself again but she was so scared that he was lying and plotting in his head how he was going to do it again. She couldn't believe him as much as she wanted to and that was heart wrenching. What if he could tell that she doubted him? What if he couldn't handle her being so selfish? But she couldn't go on lying to him for the rest of her life! "Hudson... I want to believe you because I know how hard that it must be to have a girlfriend who doesn't believe you but it's just... seeing you like that is always in my head. I see it every second of every minute of every hour of every day and I hate it. I hate that I can't think of anything except you dying because we are having a baby. You seem happy now but what if you aren't? What if you're hiding your depression?"
She couldn't pretend that the issues weren't there for the rest of her life. "Did you know that I started having panic attacks? Because I am so scared all the time. I know that you didn't do it to hurt me but it feels like you did it because of me and what if you decide to do it again? What if I have to raise Hutch alone?" She couldn't imagine that. She just didn't want to. "You know what hurts the most? You didn't even say goodbye to me... you were going to do it and leave me with nothing. No note, no goodbye of any kind, just guilt."
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Post by Dallas Kennedy on Dec 7, 2012 1:52:46 GMT -5
Dallas had woken Blake up from his nap, excited for the play date with Livvie and Cici. He got him dressed in little faded blue jeans, a grey Pink Floyd t-shirt, black kicks and a black flat-billed hat. Dallas thought his little five year old was just the bee's knees when he was dressed like that. He dressed himself in something casual. His normal white, laceless Vans, dark denim jeans and a white button up.
Before heading down to the new car, Dallas made Blake put on a jacket seeing the the cold March air was still rather icy and not easily forgiving on young children. "You ready to go, little man?" He asked, pocketing the car keys. The pair loaded up in the car and headed to Thai Thai Cuisine to pick up their to-go order. Dallas had bought himself Chicken Pad Thai, and then went to a well recommended sushi house next door for Esme's food. He made a third stop at a Chinese house for the kids.
When he finally arrived, he unloaded Blake from the back seat and made him help carry the food back to the apartment. When he asked why they weren't going back home, Dallas explained that they were going over to Aunt Esme's for lunch and that he could play with Livvie and Cici after they all eat. Blake nodded in agreeance and followed Dallas to Esme's apartment. "You wanna ring it?" Dallas asked as Blake hastily punched the doorbell.
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Post by Esme Russel on Dec 7, 2012 2:29:48 GMT -5
"Chelsea Russel! You can't just wake your brother up like that! He needs to nap!" Esme was never harsh with her children but it'd been absolute hell since she'd given birth to Hutch. She'd expected for there to be some adjusting to the new baby in the house but she didn't think for one second that it was going to be this hard. Cici constantly bothered Hutch! She poked him, took his pacifier out of his mouth and stopped the swing which was one of the only things that kept him quiet. "But mommy! Why can't we just take him back? He can nap at the hospital." She wasn't fond of being an older sister well at least not an older sister to a newborn who took up all of her mother and stepfather's attention.
Weren't siblings suppose to love each other? Was it this hard for her mother and father when they brought her and Cooper home? She couldn't imagine Anna or Beatrice treating her and Cooper like Cici was treating Hutch but she'd also been a newborn at the time so what did she know? Maybe this was all normal and she was just worrying too much. "Uncle Dallas is coming over! He's going to bring over Blake and some lunch, don't you guys want lunch?" She was desperate to get them to at least pretend to love their brother while Dallas was there but how...? "I'll buy you guys whatever you want if you pretend that you love your baby brother while we have company." It wasn't that she thought that Dallas was going to judge her but she wanted to look like she had this whole thing under control despite the fact that in reality, she had this exactly the opposite of under control.
"Anything we want?" Well that perked Cici up! She skipped off to her and Livvie's bedroom likely to go and grab a catalog to pick out what big fancy toy that she and Livvie wanted as their reward for pretending to love their brother. Livvie, on the other hand, was just sitting on the couch with her Barbie dolls. "Mommy, when is uncle Dallas going to be here?" She asked quietly before looking back to her dolls. "In a ---" Esme was cut off by the doorbell ringing which woke Hutch up.. Fuck. "Oh shh.. Baby...." She cooed in a futile attempt to make him stop his hysterics before she got to the door but the walk just wasn't long enough. "Hey Dallas, come in and make yourselves at home!" She smiled before looking down to Blake, "And I made cookies for you and the girls and if your daddy says it's okay then you can have one and there's juice in the fridge." She wanted to be a good little play date host!
"Cici! Come out here!" She called as Hutch finally settled down from his screaming to just soft whimpering. She could totally handle this! Maybe she had this more under control than she thought that she did? Cici ran to her side and wrapped her arms around her mother's waist and looked over to Blake and Dallas, "But those are my cookies and he can't have any." Yeah sharing wasn't something that she was very talented at.
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Post by Dallas Kennedy on Dec 7, 2012 3:17:06 GMT -5
Dallas looked at the door when he heard a crying baby inside. That was one thing he was glad that he didn't have to endure with Blake. He skipped all of the screaming and shitty diapers. Esme had opened the door and welcomed them inside. "Hey, Es!" He greeted warmly. He would have hugged her, but he had hot food in his hands and she had a clearly upset baby in hers. He didn't cry for too long though, which was kind of a relief as Dallas already had a splitting headache. He was glad that he wasn't a woman or a mother.
Blake was somewhat hiding behind Dallas' legs until Esme mentioned cookies and juice. What more could a four year old want! Blake smiled for a moment but it was taken away when Cici said that they were her cookies. Blake instinctively looked up to his dad with a pouting bottom lip. "You have Chinese. You'll be fine." He reassured.
Dallas put the food on the counter in the kitchen and turned to Esme. "Where's Olivia?" He asked, looking at Cici and then to Esme. Blake had managed to pull himself up high enough to snag a cookie when Dallas caught him sneaking off. "Blake! Come on, not before you eat." He huffed as the little boy scampered off with the treat. "Cici, don't steal cookies. It get you into trouble." Dallas laughed. "Where's my hug?"
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Post by Esme Russel on Dec 7, 2012 4:14:09 GMT -5
"Mommy!" Cici screeched so loudly that it actually made Esme jump a little when she saw that Blake had stolen one of her cookies. "Mommy! Mommy! He took a cookie! Make him give it back!" She pointed to Blake with a glare before looking up at her uncle Dallas, "Blake took one of my cookies!" She pouted before stealing herself a cookie and skipping over to give her one of her favorite non-biological uncles a hug. Olivia walked over to the group looking meek as ever and hid behind her mother's legs like the shy little girl that she was. "Hi." She said it so quietly that Esme could barely hear her. Why was she acting like this anyway? She was never the loudest child but she was never like this.
"Oh come on, Livvie! You know Dallas and Blake!" She glanced down at her daughter in hopes that it would give her some sort of courage but she just hugged her mother's legs tighter and looked down at her shoes. "So... Dallas... Do you want to hold your new nephew?" Cici had been a month old before Dallas had held her and she didn't know if he had ever held a baby this young before so she couldn't help but worry... What if he dropped her? She was far more protective of Hutch than she had ever been with Cici. "Did I tell you about his birth? He was born in the middle of traffic in the backseat of the cab.. I was so scared that something was going to be wrong with him because it was just Hudson and I in the back and we were just... it was weird but I'm so glad that he was there for me and that I was able to do it with no pain medication."
Her labor had been so easy that she didn't mind that she hadn't gotten an epidural. It hadn't really helped much when she was in labor with the girls anyway.
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