Naveah Elaine Withers
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It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 15:20:08 GMT -5
When he said that he only had one, Naveah's heart melted a little. It just sounded so cute and so Jaxon-y that she had to smile. Of course he would have only one other girlfriend before he reunited with his wife. Wouldn't that be a story for the kids one day. She noticed his reluctance to continue, though, so she had to wonder... what had happened to the girl? Had he asked her to marry him too, and she said no? That made her shudder to think of, and she frowned a little and looked down. "Um, what happened to her?"
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Jax Porter
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Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 15:39:11 GMT -5
"Well I uh.." he shook his head and tried to make it seem like it was nothing. "Its not a very lovely story I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear it," he tried before pushing himself off the ground and moving towards the wardrobe. He'd left one of the drawers pulled out, the one with the pajamas in it. Running his hand down the pink pair he sighed. "She cheated on me.. so.. I.. well yknow.." This was killing him. He wasn't gonna say he broke up with her because he didn't. They never actually ever broke up. She had walked out on him, yes, but they'd never actually said in words that they were breaking up.
"Well no. No, actually.. she died," he said. Great. Here it all came. It was coming up, he could feel it in his throat like acid. That scratchy feeling you get after throwing up, it feels like your throat is on fire. That's exactly what was happening as his tongue was going dry and he could feel his eyes as they started to water and fog over. He stood still for a moment, hand paused in mid stroke down the sleeve of the pajama shirt. He only barely heard Naveah ask what she'd died from.
Now or never, Jaxon.
Turning slowly to look at her, a tear dropped from his eye and he blinked hard. He noticed that she'd seen and was moving towards him, but he put his hand up to stop her. Teeth clenched, Jaxon fought the tears and put his face into his arm. All the words rushing through his head, all the cotton in his ears as the world went silent and his eyes blacked out. He could feel his father there yelling at him, yelling "why wasn't it you? why didn't you die?". It was a different memory, but it fit just as perfectly here as it had there.
It took a moment, but Jaxon calmed down just enough to look up and open his eyes. He looked at Naveah who was quite clearly confused. He wouldn't have blamed her if she was ready to call the mental hospital. Here was her twenty four year old boyfriend, bawling like a baby over what she thought was nothing. But it certainly wasn't nothing. It was far from nothing.
"I killed her," he squeaked.
There it went. There went everything, actually. He expected her to get up, throw his ring at his chest and stomp out never to be seen again. And he didn't blame her. Who would want to date, let alone marry, an unstable psychopath? It wouldn't matter that he'd changed. It wouldn't matter that that was a few years ago. Nothing mattered. It had happened, and that's all there was to it. But alas, he stood, perfectly still. No tears, no nothing. Just a few sniffs here and there. But he couldn't bare to look at her.
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 15:58:49 GMT -5
Like an instant reaction, she lurched forward to crawl towards him when he cried. She had her hand reached out for him when he gestured for her to stop. She waited, tearing up herself. This had to be hard for him... a girlfriend who died, a girlfriend who cheated and died... She didn't know heartbreak like he did, she was sure. She waited, feeling helpless, wanting to know what happened. He had never mentioned her before... this had to have been very important to him... His next words made her freeze, stopping cold. It felt as though all the blood in her body had coagulated, and yet her heart started to be faster than before. He... had killed her. The only word in her mind was: What?
Naveah blinked, her eyebrows crumpling together as she tried to process that. Her hand dropped to the floor with a loud smack and she found herself sitting up from the crawling position she had been in. Her eyes started holes into him, yet she saw almost nothing. She slid backwards so that her back was against the side of the bed, and pulled her knees up to her chest. All she was thinking about was him... she would say outloud that she could never imagine her boyfriend killing someone, and yet her brain could manage the function, and she was trying her best not to think about it. Instead, she was dragging up memories of him, happy ones. Starting with their proposal, their first kiss, their first night together, their official-first-date... The picnics, the time they bought a box of condoms from the sex shop, the time he took her to a concert and carried her back to her apartment when she almost passed out from a combination of too much alcohol and too much dancing.
All the happy memories in the world couldn't change this, though. She started to wonder... had he taken her, the other girl, to places like those? Had he once been the guy she depended on, like Naveah depended on her fiance? Had... had they been fiances to each other? She looked again at Jax, blinking until the memories faded from her sight and all she could see was her boyfriend on the floor, petting a pair of pajamas, tear streaks staining his cheeks though there were no more tears for him to cry. Feeling like she had to ask, had to know before she could do anything else, she took a deep breath. "H-how... how did you do it?" She whispered.
OOC: Her mini meltdown is coming up.
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 16:17:00 GMT -5
Jaxon watched as Naveah shrunk. It was like he'd killed something inside her. Just watching as she coiled up, rolled into a ball and hugged her knees tight. Her eyes were almost as blank as his as she stared at him and for the first time, he could tell that she wasn't even really look at him. He waited for a moment, deciding it was best to just let her think. He took this time to mentally prepare himself for anything. The yelling and screaming that was bound to come.. he was ready for it. But this silence was torture.
He went to ask if she was alright when she spoke first, asking how he'd done it. That was a knife in his heart. A stone cold, sharpened knife right through his chest. How had he done it? Why.. why would she even want to know? He thought about it for a moment, trying to understand. He thought he could figure it out, thought maybe if he told her she'd refuse to ever go by a window again. But that was just silly. He wanted to and was going to tell her, but he couldn't look at her. So, slowly, Jaxon looked away and at the opposite wall.
"I pushed her out a window.." he whispered, so quietly that if she had inhaled at the time he'd said it, she probably wouldn't have heard it. "Five stories up.." his voice cracked over 'stories' and he whimpered, beginning to cry again.
"I'm so sorry.."
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 16:34:18 GMT -5
She waited for his response, gnawing so hard on her lower lip that when she let go, there was a long red line. A window... he had pushed her out of the window five stories up. She thought of that for a moment... Five stories wasn't high enough for her to have died while falling. She died upon impact, which meant... pain. She looked at him, tears welling in her eyes. She hated people going through pain, she hated the thought of causing pain, and she didn't even know this girl, but she felt sorry for her. Depending on how she died, that could have been at least half of her bones broken. Or maybe it was just her spinal column, which meant she died feeling almost nothing. What would it be like, to be shoved out of a window and forced to your death, by a man you had been dating?
"You... you killed someone," she whispered, looking at him yet not seeing him. All she saw was in her imagination. She was picturing herself as the girl, seeing herself pushed by an angered man who face was masked. She could feel herself falling and she wrapped her arms around her knees so tightly her skin paled. She couldn't even picture Jaxon's face as a murderous man in her imagination and yet... "You... you had to go to jail, didn't you? They investigated you as... a murderer." The word spilled from her mouth, and tears welled in the corners of her eyes, ready to pour down her cheeks.
Burying her face in her hands as she cried, she just kept whispering, "No," over and over. Her shoulders shook as her body racked with heavy sobs. This wasn't supposed to happen, life was never supposed to be like this. "Jaxon can't hurt a fly," she moaned, feeling as though he wasn't in the room. She wanted to be alone to cry. "My fiance would never kill anyone... he's not a murderer, he's not, he can't have..." she repeated this phrase a few times, then looked up. Her hands feel away from her face, to reveal her cheeks flamed red and her eyes a bit swollen from the tears. "And yet... you did." She whimpered.
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 16:51:44 GMT -5
"For a year," he said, stronger than he had spoken before. It was suddenly easier to speak. The subject itself was no easier, but he was suddenly more comfortable. This was the truth, it was all the truth and it felt like he could fly because of all the weight it had lifted from his shoulders. But his heart still hung low and heavy with Naveah's tears. "I was in prison for a year," he said again. "Scared the living shit outta me.." he almost sort of chuckled, a pity chuckle. But he knew she didn't hear it because she was talking again. Muttering, really, because he couldn't understand her. All he heard was 'no' over and over again, repeated as if she was trying to make it true. Then he heard 'murderer'.
Murderer.
And suddenly his brain switched. He couldn't let Naveah think that he was a murderer. Because he wasn't. And she had to know someway, somehow. One way or another he had to convince her to believe him that he hadn't been well. Something had been off and admittedly something was still off in his brain. But how cliche would it be to tell her that she'd fixed that? How horribly cliche would it be to hold her in his arms and tell her she made him a better person? He cringed at the thought of her rejection.
"You must know that I wasn't.. right, Naveah," he said, his voice a bit stronger, a bit deeper as he tried to make her know. "I haven't been right. I'm.. I'm not right."
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 17:00:27 GMT -5
A year in prison? A year? She couldn't even imagine spending a night, let alone a year... How could he have possibly handled that? He was a sensitive guy, not a criminal, but they locked him up and... She looked at him with wide eyes, the tears still running down her face, like two rivers. Her eyes had lost that brightness they always had. Instead, she was looking at him dully, like it still hadn't sunk in yet - and it almost hadn't. She understood, but she couldn't even begin to comprehend it. Her Jaxon wasn't a murderer... but he had murdered someone...
"I'm not right." She heard it, and she heard it again. She repeated it in her mind, and her brow furrowed. She knew he wasn't entirely there all the time. She knew he had problems but never had she imagined he could hurt someone. My fiance has a past I didn't know about - it sounded like a ridiculous Life Time movie. "Jax... I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered, making two fists with her hands and leaning her forehead against them. "I didn't know any of this happened." She didn't even know why she was apologizing. Because she should have been there? Because she should have been able to help him somehow? She didn't know.
"You're... if you're not right... you don't seem so wrong, either." She murmured, her thoughts whirling. This night wasn't supposed to go this way. She didn't want it to go this way at all. She wanted to go back to laughing about squeaky beds and picnicking on the floor. Why did things always have to take a turn for the worse? "I don't know what to say or think or do." She looked up at him, tears in her eyes once more. "Tell me what to do." She whispered.
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 17:12:39 GMT -5
"Forgive me," he said before he could stop himself. That sounded like such an asshole-ish thing to say. Forgive him? Forgive him for murdering another girl? It wasn't likely she would. But he hoped, anyway.
"Naveah, I love you," he said and finally moved forward to kneel before her. "And I know you're probably thinking about her. Did I love her? No. I never did. I felt falsely attached to her because of my home life. College had gone horribly wrong and I came home to find someone that actually liked me.. and things spiraled downwards. It was all a lie and I've tried for four years to put it behind me. I've tried for four years to become a new man, the man I've always wanted to be and knew I could be if only I could have you."
He wasn't crying anymore. Anything that he could've cried had dried up and he was only now slightly frowning. "Naveah I'm better. I'll admit I'm not right and I love you and appreciate you for saying I don't seem so wrong. You have no idea how much hope that gives me." He wanted to say so much more.. but he didn't want to be too redundant. So he stopped and looked at her, then placed his hands over the tops of her fists when she looked up just a bit.
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 17:20:11 GMT -5
Forgive him? The thought was always in her mind. She knew she didn't blame him or think he was terrible. "Of course I forgive you," she whispered, practically speaking to her knees. She couldn't look up, not just yet. His hands over her fists felt warm, and comforting, and just like they always did. She wasn't stupid enough to think that everything changed now. Four years was a long time... four years meant enough time to get better, to change, to be the Jax she knew he was. Perhaps he wasn't right, but no one was really all the way there, no one was right. He was wrong, and perfectly so. "You have to forgive yourself, too," she murmured, looking up at him. She stared hard into his eyes, and nodded after a moment. He was there, it was her Jax, and he could never be any different. She could see the pain that he had suffered, but she could also see the hope that he had for the future, and she knew at that minute, that no matter what the past included, she could never turn him away for what he had done.
Putting her hands down, she laced their fingers, then adjusted herself so that she could lean forward and put her head on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, feel it pounding, softly, steadily. "I love you, too, Jaxon," she smiled, her face hidden against him. "I will never stop loving you. You accept my past and I accept yours, because nothing matters but the present. And... and the future's not so scary when I have you." She knew she was on the verge of sounding cheesy, but it was all true.
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 17:30:10 GMT -5
Jaxon wrapped his arms around Naveah's back as she put her head against his chest. Letting his chin rest atop her head, he sighed heavily. It was a wonderful feeling to let your whole self out. Horrible, but still so wonderful. He still wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole situation.. he felt like he was in a cheesy soap opera. Oh hey honey I killed my last girlfriend but I still love you so let's just forget it ever happened, m'kay? He tried to laugh at the thought but frowned anyway and kissed the top of Naveah's head.
"Do you.. do you still wanna marry me?" he asked quite shyly.
(i'm sorry this one is like way super short)
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 17:56:51 GMT -5
When he kissed the top of her head, she looked up at him. There he was, arms wrapped around her, the man she wanted to love forever. Smiling shyly, she manuevered her way to kiss his lips. "Of course I want to marry you," she murmured, giving him another kiss for good measure. "Do you... still want to marry me? Even though I saw five other guys besides you? One of whom rented a room with me here and then left me in the middle of the night..." She sighed at the memory. "I don't think I could have loved any one of them. I've only ever loved you, did you know that?"
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 18:19:58 GMT -5
"Of course I do," he smiled at her and giggled. "Not one of those guys bothers me. They had their chance and they lost you. And I figure yea, I knew that. Cuz I only ever loved you too." He squeezed her tight and kissed her head again, then looked back in her eyes.
"This has been an eventful evening," he joked, trying to make light of the situation even though he was still highly uncomfortable. "You mentioned a theme for the wedding.. what was it again?" he asked, trying to get her mind off of everything. He knew if he didn't at least try, she'd be thinking about this forever.
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 18:34:41 GMT -5
Naveah fixed her position so that she could sit in her lap. Nothing made her more uncomfortable and comfortable than sitting in his lap. She often felt too heavy for him, but she couldn't help love sitting in his lap, because it felt comfortable. All the couples in the movies did it... couldn't she? She put her arms around his neck, enjoying his arms around her back. It was... nice. She liked being in his hold. It felt safe, warm, and loving, because it was Jax. Because it was her boyfriend, her fiance, who was always there to comfort her, no matter what.
Wedding themes? That felt like hours ago... She smiled. "Yeah, romance and whimsy." she whispered, thinking about it. "Can you picture that? All the fun things in the world... maybe elves or fairies, those kind of things, red roses, too."
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Jax Porter
Full Member
Put the past behind you.
Posts: 144
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Post by Jax Porter on Dec 30, 2012 18:50:12 GMT -5
"Ooooh," Jaxon said at the sound of 'elves'. "Baby you got me at elves. Like Lord of the Rings elves right? Not like Santa elves.. that'd be.. weird.." he joked with a smile.
"Wow. Yknow we must be a really good couple. I just told you I killed a girl and here we are, over it already. True love, huh," he said in a sort of joking matter, though he meant it rather seriously. "I love you so much.. and I can't wait for our wedding. I think it'll make us that much stronger, that much closer."
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Naveah Elaine Withers
Full Member
It's true... we're a little insane. Fear is only in our minds, taking over all the time.
Posts: 158
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Post by Naveah Elaine Withers on Dec 30, 2012 18:57:05 GMT -5
Lord of the Rings, hmm. "Okay, so I haven't really read or watched Lord of the Rings, but I know what it's like." She smiled. "I meant elegance. I want it to say fantasy and elegance and love, all in one." She smiled, picturing it. Green was a good fantasy color. She wouldn't let him know yet, but she had a dress she wanted already picked out. "Maybe a... park, or something, for the wedding spot. I like outdoor weddings." She leaned her head against his shoulder again. "I don't really care what it looks like or who's there I just want to be married to you." She looked at her hand, twisting the ring to catch it in the right light. She loved it, it was already a permanent fixture on her hand, she knew.
"I think we're a good couple too," she murmured, kissing his neck. "Our love is truer than true love. Its like... pure love. I can't wait till our wedding either." she smiled a little. "I can't wait to be Mrs. Porter.. I can't wait until we share our own house, have our first family dinner together."
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