Post by Damien Knowles on Sept 7, 2012 4:30:07 GMT -5
No matter what.
Harsh, cold rain fell down on the window pane. Each drop smashing against the glass, relentlessly. The world outside was a bleak, grey collage of metal and cement. Damien sat on the bed, staring out at the city outside the window. Beside him, lay Nolan, fast asleep, blankets pulled up, hiding most of his face. Damien tore his eyes away from the window and cast them on the sleeping figure of his boyfriend. It's funny how innocent people look when they're sleeping. How different it makes someone seem, when they're oblivious to the world around them. When Nolan was asleep he looked younger, vulnerable. Like the day he and Damien had first met. A soft smile crept across his lips, as he reached out to brush some stray hair away from Nolan's closed eyes.
As he did so, Nolan stirred in his sleep, frowning slightly, as his eyes fluttered open.
'What're you doing?', Nolan mumbled, sitting up, and rubbing sleep from his eyes. Damien didn't answer, instead he cocked his head to one side, admiring how cute Nolan was when he was tired. How his dark hair was all stuck up at one side, his voice still soft, like it always was when he'd just woken up.
'You're so beautiful', Damien smiled at his boyfriend, reaching out to take his hand, 'It should be criminal, really', he insisted, rubbing his thumb over Nolan's fingers over the ink that read, Halloween.
Nolan wasn't used to such cutesy things coming from Damien, and blushed instantly, looking down, attempting to hide his pink cheeks with his dark fringe. Despite everything that he went through with Damien, the fighting, the yelling, the calling the police because he was scared his boyfriend had died. Hearing him say things like that, well, it sort of made it all worth it. No matter how much pain he caused him, Nolan could never leave Damien. The brief rays of sunshine in their relationship sort of made up for everything. Still, after all these years, Damien still gave him butterflies.
'I look like shit', Nolan replied, laughing slightly, unable to ever take a compliment.
Damien rolled his eyes, pulling Nolan closer to him, wrapping his thin arms around his warm torso. With a sigh Damien rested his chin on top of Nolan's head, and continued to stare out of the window.
'You remember when everyone said we'd never last?', Nolan asked, after a couple minutes of silence. Damien didn't reply, but Nolan felt him nodding against the top of his head.
'If they saw us now, I bet they'd take it back', Nolan finished, twisting his neck around so he could look up at Damien. It was weird when he went like this. Un-speaking, staring out of the window, saying strangely nice things. It was normally the calm before the storm, and Nolan knew that, in the back of his mind. Yet he could never tear himself away.
'Well, they'd have to, I mean, here we are', Damien replied, almost half an hour later, when Nolan was just dozing off again in the warmth of his boyfriends arms.
'Huh?', he asked, confused, seeing as neither of them had spoken for thirty minutes.
'People who said we'd never last, they'd have to take it back, because here we are', Damien explained, he moved backwards a little, and gestured for Nolan to turn around and face him.
After good deal of shuffling, and blanket rearranging. Nolan and Damien were sat crossed legged, facing each other, underneath the blanket, or their fort, as they'd rather it be known.
'I'd take a bullet for you, you know that right?', Damien whispered, his lips centimeters away from Nolan's.
'If it came down to that, I'd die for you', he continued earnestly, placing his hands on Nolan's knees.
Nolan didn't understand why he was saying any of this. It wasn't like he hated what he was saying. In Damien's mind it must have sounded very sweet, but it put Nolan on edge. It made him think that Damien knew something he didn't.
'Why're you saying this?', Nolan asked, quietly, he had been scared to ask.
'Because I love you', Damien replied, with a smile, making what he'd just said, about dying for Nolan, seem a little less serious.
'Oh', Nolan replied, 'I love you too, it just seems a weird thing to say', he added, nibbling at his lip ring.
Damien shrugged, 'It is if you look at it in a morbid way', he mused, thoughtfully.
'You think about everything in a morbid way', Nolan teased, reaching up and ruffling Gerard's short blonde hair. It was a new haircut, the shortest it had ever been. Nolan wasn't sure he liked it, but Damien assured him it would grow out soon enough. There were already traces of black growing beneath the bleached blonde.
'Your roots need doing', Nolan informed him, wrinkling his nose, as if his black roots were the most disgusting things in the world.
'Oh fuck off', Damien laughed, pulling Nolan in for a kiss, his hand under his chin.
-
Nolan awoke a couple hours later, sprawled out on the rug in the middle of the living room. A smile formed on his lips as he sat up, drawing a blanket around himself, realizing he was now only wearing boxers. Sleepily he looked around, unable to see Damien.
'Damien?', he called out, expecting him to appear from the kitchen, or the bathroom. There was no reply.
'Damien?', he called out again, getting up on his feet. Slowly he walked through the apartment, blanket trailing after him like the train on a wedding dress.
Outside the rain had stopped falling, but it was dark and cloudy. Nolan nibbled at his lip-ring, wondering whether to call out again, when he saw him.
Huddled on the bed, a shivering mess, skinny jeans and no t-shirt, whispering to himself. Nolan stood there, unable to bring himself to move forward. Please don't be as bad as last time. Please.
'Damien?', Nolan dropped the blankets on the floor, and took a step closer.
Damien's head snapped up instantly, his eyes wide, but not focused. The whispering stopped, and Nolan found himself face to face with his worst nightmare. Damien after heroin.
Nolan took a deep breath, 'Damien, sweetie, you okay?', he stammered through his words, taking another cautious step forward. You had to be delicate when Damien was like this.
Damien shook his head slowly, sitting up, swinging his legs off the bed.
'No, no I'm not fucking okay!', he yelled, making Nolan jump backwards, and fall over the blankets that had been behind him.
'Do I look okay?!', he continued, grabbing at his own face, scratching pink lines down his hollow cheeks with his fingernails.
Nolan scrabbled backwards until his back was pressed against the door. There were tears in his eyes already, no matter how many times Damien shouted at him, it would never stop hurting like this.
'Stop it!', Nolan cried, staggering to his feet and rushing over, grabbing Damien's hands and pinning them down so he'd stop scratching his own face.
'Stop it', he repeated, quieter, trying to gain the focus of Damien's eyes, which were now staring up at the ceiling, unblinking. It stayed like that for a minute or two, the only sound was Damien's jagged breaths, and Nolan's panicked ones.
'I'm gonna hurl', Damien broke the silence, tearing away from Nolan's grip and racing out of the room. A second later he could be heard throwing up in the kitchen sink. Nolan rolled his eyes, he wished that once he could do it in the toilet like a regular person.
When Nolan made his way in to the kitchen, Damien was still hovering over the sink, his arms braced at either side, fingers gripping the white porcelain.
Nolan padded over and placed a hand on Damien's shoulder. Before he had chance to say anything Damien had spun around.
'Get the fuck off me Nolan', he said in a threatening tone, his teeth were clenched together. Nolan focused on his sharp, white canines. The same teeth that had punctured his bottom lip in their very first make-out session, three years ago.
TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I CAN BE ARSED.
